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There are no pictures on this page; rather, it describes an event that turned out to be pivotal for me, and for other people as well- most especially Grant Wagner.

Since May of this year, I have been seeing Kurt regularly; basically, we spend all day Saturday together, and often Sunday mornings as well, but then I almost always have to leave for the week. But by July, it became obvious that something was bothering Kurt, and in the middle of the month we finally talked about it. Kurt told me that, while he liked me very, very much, our relationship was very hard on him. He said that he always hated having to say good-bye to me on Sunday and not see me for an entire week after that. We discussed all of that, and it became apparent that he was looking for a relationship with someone who could be around more than I was. I also liked Kurt a lot, and it was good for me to have a close friendly relationship with someone, but I could see his point.

My job is unusual in that I have to be away from home so much, but when you are single it doesn't matter all that much. In a relationship, though, these extended absences can be devastating. I remember distinctly Kurt tearfully telling me that since my job wasn't likely to change, our relationship would have to, and that we should stop being weekend lovers and become just friends.

I could have guessed, I suppose, what was bothering my good friend, but finding out for sure was a shock. Kurt didn't even want to spend that evening sleeping together, but he didn't want to go home, either. I told him that he would be welcome to stay in the guest room if he wished, and he accepted. We had planned to have some dinner and then go out together, but Kurt wanted just to have dinner and skip the outing.

My feelings were very confused. I had looked forward to being with Kurt that evening; aside from being a thoroughly nice man, he was very compatible with me sexually. I felt that I just couldn't go to bed by myself with Kurt in the next room; I had to do something. Kurt said that he didn't mind if I went on out on my own. Actually, he said, he would have gone on home but for the fact that his roommate had some visitors from out of town and was taking advantage of the fact that Kurt and I were usually together on Saturday nights at my place.

I decided I would go out. I knew that one relationship was ending, and I guess I felt subconsciously that by going out I would be beginning the process of trying to fill that void that had just opened up. It was to be a very important, but also very awkward, evening- and one I will freely admit I did not handle well. But this was my first experience with such an abrupt breakup; my other relationships had tapered endings.

I decided to go to Christopher Street, so I drove up to the bar on Halsted. As I was parking the car on the street North of the bar, I noticed in my rearview mirror a very attractive, bearded man walking south along the street towards the bar. I guess I lost my concentration for a moment, because I backed the car up onto the sidewalk a foot or so. This seemed to startle him, but he continued walking towards the bar. He smiled, so I presumed he wasn't too upset. I kept an eye on him as I finished parking the car; he was about my height, a good deal thinner, with nice hair and a beard. He was wearing a white shirt and a leather bar vest. I have seen these vests before, and think they look very macho, and it certainly did on him.

The next few minutes are something of a blur for me, and I am relying on his recounting of what happened from that point on. I followed him into Christopher Street, and found him just inside the door trying to make his way to the bar to get something to drink. Without thinking, I did something very out of character for me- I walked right up to him and asked "Can I buy you a drink?" When he said yes, my second question was to ask his name, which was Grant Wagner.

Grant told me later that he was startled by my abrupt introduction, but recognized me immediately as the guy who "almost ran over him on the sidewalk" (although he did point out many times later that it wasn't nearly that close), and he accepted my offer. We began to talk immediately, and spent the next two hours conversing. I found out a good deal about him. He worked at a printing shop in Elmhurst doing estimating for print jobs, and a couple of evenings a week sold furniture at a store near Oakbrook. He lived in Bloomingdale, which is a Western suburb of Chicago. His family lived in the Northwest suburbs and in Glenview.

We talked about a wide range of subjects, and I talked about my job too. Grant's main interest is in interior design, although he has no formal training. He is hoping to get a job sooner or later that will allow him to indulge is interest in that area. After talking for some time, it seemed to me that it was right to ask him if he would like to spend the night with me. I am embarrassed to say that in all of this conversation, I had not thought of Kurt, or the fact that he was using the guest room at my apartment.

Had I thought about it for even a minute, I would have realized that Grant and I should either go elsewhere or postpone getting together. But I didn't think about that- why, I don't know. Maybe I didn't want to take the chance that if we postponed for a while I might not see him again, and I didn't recall getting an offer from him to spend the night in Bloomingdale. I have since found out that Grant has had some bad experiences with men he has met, and is reluctant to take a stranger to his own home. I should not have taken Grant home with me out of concern for Kurt's feelings; I think it is uncharacteristic of me that I actually did.

The evening was very satisfying for both of us, even after I realized, as soon as I opened the door to the condo, that Kurt was in the guest room. But it was either too late to reconsider, or I was too enamored of Grant, or both. But my lack of consideration was going to haunt me.

The next morning, Saturday, there was an awkward meeting between Grant and Kurt. This awkwardness, and any hurt that Kurt may have suffered because of it, was all my fault. I should have been thinking about Kurt's sensibilities, rather than my own, and I am ashamed to say I did not. I asked Grant if he would stay while I took Kurt home, and he did. On the way home, Kurt was very understanding- more so than I would have been. He told me that he had been preparing to detach himself for a week or two, and so was not having any feelings of being pushed away. In fact, he said, he was the one who had wanted to disengage, not me, so that it really wasn't a problem that I had run across someone else. I supposed this made me feel better, but the fact remains that I handled the situation very badly. I think that I was just too afraid that I would lose this new friend that I had made if we just talked for two hours in a bar and then went our separate ways.

I returned to the apartment, and Grant and I spent the day together. We walked around the neighborhood and got some sun on the roof. We had dinner and spent another evening together. On Sunday, I left for New York and Grant went back to Bloomingdale. I thought a lot about Grant on the plane and during the next week. I called him almost every day during that week. I wanted to make sure we could spend the next weekend together. We did, and we were together every weekend after that.

I became very comfortable with Grant very quickly. We were quite compatible, even if our interests were different. But then that was a good thing; I was more business-oriented and good at taking care of planning, while Grant was more creative-oriented, and took care of ideas of what to do when we were together. Grant's real passion was sailing (actually anything to do with boats); he and his father were both sailors, and Grant had grown up with the hobby. By October, I thought I had found my lifetime partner, and I think Grant did, too.

NOTE:
The actual narrative above was written in November, 1984, and so I have the knowledge of all the events that transpired that Fall- including Grant's first trip to Texas.

This note, however, is being added as this album page is being created in 2017. I shouldn't get ahead of myself (in case you may be going through this photo album from the beginning), but I cannot resist adding this comment: it would turn out that Grant Wagner would become the second most important person in my life (not counting family members). What we did subsequently, how I changed his life and, more importantly, how he changed mine, will be the subject of a great many of the album pages henceforth. In the years to come, we will get almost as high as I have ever been, but we will also get lower than I have ever been.

The high points were absolutely wonderful, but the low point was almost unbearable. But I would not trade the experience of meeting Grant and spending so much time with him for anything. I think I was good for him; I know for a fact he was good for me.

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